Thursday, December 25, 2008

It Might As Well Be New Year's...

I've calmed down somewhat since my last post. But not completely. Maybe I needed to fall off the edge a little bit, and stop acting so cool, when it's better to be hot. It's Christmas Day, and all I've done is either rest or dance (and I'm about to do the latter once more) Then it's staying unplugged, away from most technology (save for the headphones and the music coming out of them) and it's back to writing. Writing this show. Writing this show which has turned into an entire playlist of stanzas, where I'm losing track (and the mere fact that I'm losing track when it comes to this particular subject matter, tells me I've been exposed to a certain kind of emotion and loss far too much, and I am genuinely sick of it) If you ask me how I appear, it's calm, not with an expressionless face, but quite focused (I don't think I'd want to be someone in a staring contest with me right now, because they would lose) I was told by a friend late last night that she thought I could burn a hole in people with the look in my eyes now, so if anything, falling off the deep end emotionally has done something wonderful for the art. I found the source, and ultimately, that is what matters. Sometimes you can't do anything about the actions of others (nor should you even try, unless you're trying to save their soul from an addiction or death) We love who we love, and we want who we want, and my job right at this moment is to dance what I dance, and write what I write, and hope that it translates well enough upon a stage to make people think. Or make you think (or even better, feel) If you're a girl who is part of the subject of this show (and there are a few of you) I'm sorry, but all I've got is my longing, and my desperation, and my wild, and if that's not enough for one (or a few) of you, whether I've known you, or have yet to know you, all I can say is that at least, there is no illusion. I left my heart out there for all of you to see, and if that's not enough, then I better get accustomed to the fact that I am simply going to be one of those people who ends up alone, because he couldn't settle (and sorry, but I've heard a lot of voices, and the majority of you, when you turn aside to your sleeping lover, for one brief moment, know that you are settling) I can't. I'm incapable of it. I want that higher love and if it means bruising and ripping my body up on a stage to show it (and yes, to even show you) then so be it.

Time to dance.