Thursday, June 18, 2009

Maddy pt. 4

You have a frail heart. This I learned this morning. I seem to have a frail body nowadays, you know. The last six days I've barely been able to move my body, and it's weakened so much, I'd say I feel like an invalid at the moment, and can barely move (It won't last, this I know, and I'll get stronger) You though, you live with something a little more grave, day to day. I am even more amazed at you now than I was yesterday, as to how you can, day after day, do things few people truly can (only a very small percentage of the world can even come close to the things you can do, you know) If we talk about the human heart suffering, then I can only imagine how strong you must be to endure so much damage to your heart, in the literal, but also in the emotional. How your heart has already been broken before any man came along to do so again. How do you do it, Maddy? How do you wake up day after day and put on your best smile and work through your daily ritual of motion and not fall apart? I know I'm an interesting one to ask that question, considering I've had just about every single ailment under the sun and I do the same, but I've lived with a lifetime of disappointment and false starts and potential unrealized (funny that now, all of those things no longer apply, since the hope is now genuine and justified) I've lived with such things and learned to deal with them, and now I'm on the cusp of turning all things around, where all the heartbreak and the pain of the past will transform into such joy, I think what I've had to go through, no matter the level of pain, is nothing compared to the girl running down the street in a strange land, so young, and so afraid, and so helpless. Nothing of what I've had to live with compares with what you've had to deal with, Maddy, and on a day where I'm trying (I'm really trying) to dance, and find my body and my strength again, you are the one who is inspiring, and so heartbreaking at the same time.

I wish I could kiss your chest right now.