Saturday, April 18, 2009

So where have you been (and where are you going?)

I loved my silence. So many things I have done the last while (and so much more to do) The show is ready, the body is stronger than it's ever been, and the heart is ready. I am intentionally delaying things now until my trip to Montreal in the second week of May (There are things in that city I require attending to, and I don't mind the exercising of patience considering the other pleasant aspects to life at the moment) I'm toying with my camera but I'm waiting until I get to Montreal to truly photograph things for this show (which is now entitled 'Arrogant Little Fuck...') So much of my show is tied to there, I realized, so that it only makes sense to use the trip partially as a way of documentation for my activities in Toronto and Montreal all summer with this narrative. It changed a lot in the silence, and maybe that's because I did in the time in between entries. You've got to wait a long while sometimes for certain narratives to evolve, whether it is in actual text, or in performance, or just in the human heart (I had a transition in the latter, and it affected the former two) I'm looking so forward to Montreal, and the fact that I've finally accepted the promotion at home for my job (it was inevitable - I love my part-time job, but I need a challenge with it to keep it fresh) means my finances, unless something unexpected occurs, will be in order (so no bus for me - I'm taking the train, and I'm going to rent myself someplace nice in Montreal to stay in for a few days) There are more than a few people I wish to see on my first journey into Montreal this summer (trust, it won't be the last - I'll be coming back to perform a few times) but more, it's a reward for surviving winter, for finding my dance again, and for the strength that I've shown through everything that I've been through, to come to this place where every aspect of me is glowing again. I'm not a fan of unnecessary self-critical behaviour, because it's the worst kind of abuse because you are ultimately in control of it, even with environmental circumstances, be it the people or surroundings that you have to deal with day upon day. Now I'm not saying I was far too hard on myself at all, but what I am saying is that whatever faults I may have picked upon, I suddenly see no reason to be so evil towards the self, cause frankly, I look and I feel far too good to indulge in such an exercise. So here we are, on a day when it's downright hot in Toronto, about to attend to another session of dance, and then a few more pleasant errands outside, before I return, write a few people letters of 'Hello...' and go for one more spin on the dance floor.

I think, though, I will reward myself next weekend, and indulge in a little photographic narcissism (Trust, I've got better since you've last seen me...)